Creatures of Habit

Happy New Year!

We are well into the New Year and slowly, I am getting my s#!+ together again.  For the holidays, our nest filled up and as of today, one kid has departed, one remains and my daughter’s new boyfriend has roosted here for a while before they make the trek back to Baltimore for her final semester at college…yippee!

But, since December 16^th, my life has been such a whirlwind; I just don’t feel quite right.  I must admit with great guilt and anticipation…I want my empty nest back…just so I can get back to my routines.  I cannot tell you how many times I have been late for stuff…or worse completely blanked about an appointment or two…because my routines have been rerouted for other people’s priorities, schedules and needs.

Someone once told me it takes 10 days to break a habit and 21 days to form a new one.  So knowing this, perhaps you can understand my personal crazy at having my kids at home for the extended holiday vacation.  Between holiday traditions, winter cravings and individual dietary desires, my diet has been assaulted but despite the barrage of processed foods, I have been pretty faithful to my healthy eating habits…as much as the holiday calendar has allowed, I have stuck to my workouts…but all other routines, habits and strategies seemed to have been usurped by ghosts of Christmas past. 

Once a momma, always a momma…something happens to our (adult) children when they return to the nest…they yearn to be cared for and as Momma Bird, initially it is a great pleasure to comply…but after a few days and several mounds of stinky laundry parked before the dryer…something creeps in…For months out of the year, my children can feed and clothe themselves.  They do laundry, wash dishes, make beds and put stuff away…but coming home to the place they have known for 13 years and parents they’ve known a lifetime…somehow they forget all this stuff.  One child reverts to 12 years old and clamors for every family tradition to be crammed into every available moment she is here…hence her desire to have Mommy do it.  The other strives for quality time with everyone…she’ll do any chore you ask…as long as she has company doing it… and of course  you have to ask her to do something…Heck!  I had children so I wouldn’t have to do chores!

I am a bit exhausted with all this juggling of needs, desires and probably the most difficult, expectations.  Somewhere, somehow, my family has created the “Hallmark” expectation…every moment together filled with joy and happiness…birds chirping, cookies baking…and most times, we miss the mark…I am just happy we are together, healthy and comfortable in our own skin…but this artifice of home, sweet,  perfect  home, is very stressful.  There have been days when, because my routines are interrupted or something else, like a hot flash or I am human…I get a wee bit grouchy…due to holiday scheduling, I missed a number of workouts and paid more than one price for having done so…I am back to three times a week …thank goodness….oops, digressed with too many phrases! Ok… But there were some moments when I thought my eyes would get stuck in the back of my head from rolling them so much…it is a defense mechanism so I won’t overreact to the dumbest things…be honest, you know what I mean.  How many times can one go to the cupboard for a coffee cup to find it empty, turn around and see every mug, tea cup, travel mug and yes even lidded paper cups perched precariously in and around the sink…awaiting Mommy to deal with them?  Let me tell you…three!  After that, I started hiding clean mugs and let the rest of them contemplate just how much they wanted hot beverages!  The one situation that really piqued my ire was, once the family realized that I stopped maid service when I turned 50, they pitched in to “clean” the kitchen but, they would  leave serving spoons, baking dishes and various other sundries of common culinary usage on the kitchen table…because they didn’t know where that stuff belonged… as a mature, reasonable woman, I dealt with this the best way I knew how… I opened the bar cabinet, poured myself a little vodka and politely turned to them asking if they considered opening any one of the doors, drawers or containers about the kitchen and see what was contained therein…um, hello…those serving spoons we have been using for nearly 30 years and I have always kept in the silver ware drawer…yup, those…can go back there…the baking dish, which is a part of a “nesting” set…yup…it goes in the same drawer as the rest of them…the coffee mugs…go in the  gall-dern cabinet over the coffee maker at the coffee bar…you know the one I custom designed 8 years ago when we redid the kitchen…and from whence you took that cup!!  Grrrr…I am ok.

In the midst of the homecoming and holidays, we did hit a bit of a turning point.   I was putting the finishing touches on a little book I have been working on for a while now.  And there were times when I would ask for help or attempt to squirrel away time to attend to it and you’d think I’d run away…I did stake my claim to this as it is important to me…more important than watching NCIS re-runs….and once the family noted its importance to me, and the invitation to be a part of the process…we had some fun with final taste testing, photo shoots and the communal clapping when Mom sent off the draft to the printers.

It became clearer to me that sometimes, routines are situational…my adult children function quite capably in their adult lives…so much so that my husband and I beam with pride when they share their exploits and successes and buck up their confidence up when they hit an occasional snag…but coming “home”…it is all about returning to that routine which gives you comfort, strength and that “aaah” feeling. 

So as January 2013 progresses and the nest becomes emptier, for a time…I will get back into my swing of things.  Exercising regularly…dedicating time each day to writing and recipe development…moisturizing...you know, the little “me” things.  And I will tackle my projects and those pesky chores…but down-sized chores….I can get back to laundry DAY as opposed to days…stuff like that…and I will lapse into my waiting routine…waiting for the kids to come visit again… however, after this nearly month long invasion, I will remind my girls of our favorite Ben Franklin quote…”Guests, like fish, start to stink after three days.”  I had this understanding with my dad and never wore out a welcome by always prefacing my visit request by quoting old Ben… this lowered expectations and often left us wanting more…never wishing we had left sooner!

Please don’t get me wrong…I love my daughters fiercely…and am so blessed to have them in our lives…it is just time for us to enjoy new phases in our lives…making new routines which can be challenging for us all but despite the challenges, are necessary. Rest assured the one constant is our love…this will never change.

Thanks for reading…feel free to share your routines and empty nest stories…I’d love to know I am not alone in this crazy phase!!

Christmas in the Empty Nest

There is something different about Christmas this year.  My daughters are busy...away in their own lives.  Most of my nieces and nephews are adults, so the focus on Christmas is more "couple" centered.  My husband and I are decorating our home the way we want to...although Emily did say she hopes that when she returns at semester's end that our house will look like Santa vomited Christmas all over the place...her imagery, not mine!  I think I will choose a more "elegant" design!

Yeah, we are taking it slower this year, enjoying Advent...paying attention to traditions near and dear, old and new.  We have watched a few Christmas specials, like A Charlie Brown Christmas...Its a Wonderful Life and a PBS special featuring the best of the Andy Williams Christmas shows...no door bell ringing, cookie stealing bear though!  During the commercial breaks, we reminisce about how we shared those moments with our families in the past.  This new found nostalgia, sans the over the top gift giving, children-centric, mile a minute all consuming, holiday blitz, feels right! 

We are visiting local merchants for our holiday shopping needs.  Our Christmas cards support UNICEF, Dana Farber Cancer Institute and Habitat for Humanity.  We will continue to make donations to area charities, honoring our friends and co-workers...really who needs another Yankee Candle or gift box of summer sausage...which btw, I have NEVER given to anyone...but you know what I mean.  For us, this gift of giving rings true to the real meaning of Christmas.

We'll head to the West Groton Nursery for the 13th time since moving to Groton and pick out our tree and wreath.  We'll enjoy a steaming cup of cider and I will select my poinsettias with hopes of keeping them alive until I can set them out on the deck next summer only to be ravaged by some insect invader...I didn't toss last year's into the compost pile until Memorial Day!  My 2013 goal: Father's Day!

New this year, we are going to head over to Nashoba Valley Ski for their Festival of Lights...just us..romantic like..Christmas carols softly providing a soundtrack to our little rendez-vous.  We love driving around neighborhoods looking at lights and we will think about the incredible displays from our childhoods...the all blue house on the Fellsway in Medford...the wreaths and garland in Stoneham Square...the cheesy tinsel trees at Redstone.  We will oooh and ah and then come home to our simple white candles in the windows and our crazy, ice blue, warm and cool white lights on our Umbrella Pine...who knew "white" lights could look so different!

I am busy planning our Annual Christmas Open House...I love it when friends and family pop in for a nosh, quaff and a hug!  I love the Open House concept...come for a while, long or short...just give me a hug before your leave!  There will be mulled wine, hot cider and lots to eat...there will be gingerbread cookies for the kids to decorate and there the annual Holiday Trivia contest, the questions are always the same, but people get stumped every year... and music...lots and lots of music! 

In years past, we made an annual Barbo Best of Christmas mix CD of our favorite holiday songs...but after 8 years, we have maxed those out, so this year our holiday favor is a lovely bar of chocolate from Theo Chocolates...a fair trade partner with cacao farmers in the Democratic Republic of Congo...an impoverished, war torn country, but the chocolate producers are not a focus of the military...cocoa nibs are not profitable for their war effort so they leave these farmers alone...the more cocoa the US buys, the more stable the farms become and the economy grows, education becomes a priority and with our prayers, peace may prevail!  This company also partners with Jane Goodall's efforts to save the great apes and another initiative to provide bicycles to under developed regions in Africa,to promote access to education, jobs and health care!  I am pleased to support this company because these efforts demonstrates what being Christian means to me.   It also makes my inner Santa happy!

Last night as we hit the mall for a few gifts, Bill looked at me and asked, sheepishly, "Why do the kids have to come home so early this year?  I want to enjoy the simplicity of Christmas with you?"  I was flattered and not taken aback...I know what he means.  We will have a happy time with our kids...but for the first time in almost 30 years, we have this time for ourselves...just us fifty somethings...and it is quite nice.  It won't be too long before the next generation will be taking over Christmas...their plans, their homes, making new traditions...so before we become guests at the holidays, we are relishing having this time...our time.

Fear not, the kids will return to the nest about 5 days before Christmas...and welcomed with open arms and hearts! Our families (his/mine) will meet at our respective family gatherings...gifts will be exchanged....awkward family photos taken, intentionally...a new family tradition...and we will muddle through some how...but in these weeks before Christmas and New Year's, we are rediscovering the season...redefining what it means to us....and making plans on how we can keep it in our hearts all year long.

Whatever your faith tradition, may you find what you seek in this season of Peace, Love and Joy...and from our home to your...Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years!

Cheers!

Come on America! Be Thankful!

The 2012  Election season is over (thank goodness!!!).  Thanksgiving is just over a week away.  Scandal is rocking the CIA.  And the other top story?  Black Friday is moving to 8pm Thanksgiving evening...no wonder the rest of the world shakes their collective heads at us.

I get it that the economy needs a boost.  I know there are people who are thankful to have seasonal jobs.  But really, can't we truly celebrate Thanksgiving.... just one day...24 hours? 

Our society is so rushed to buy, buy, buy for the holidays..so much so that Christmas decorations are stocked at the same time Halloween stuff comes out.  We barely acknowledge Veterans' Day anymore.  Will it long before we just skip Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  I love the idea of coming together with family and friends and celebrating each other and considering all the blessings we share.  I love the opportunity to just BE with my loved ones.  I love the traditions...the recipes...and the history of this holiday. 

We were taught about the Pilgrims and Native Americans celebrating the first Thanksgiving in 1621 as a way to thank God and each other for getting through the first years of a difficult settlement in the New World.  A three day celebration of prayer, feasting and getting to know your neighbor was a the heart of the event.

In November,1623, the Pilgrims celebrated their second Thanksgiving after surviving a terrible drought and saving enough provisions for the winter to come.  It was at this time, Governor Bradford established an annual day of Prayer and Thanksgiving upon which future Thanksgiving customs would hail.  The Pilgrims being an austere bunch focused mainly on prayer and not so much feasting...weather forecasting was not reliable, so food stores were conserved.

From 1789 until 1827, days of Thanksgiving were often proclaimed by Presidents...George Washington being the first, who called upon the new nation to spend a day reflecting, praying and healing from the wounds of the American Revolution and the subsequent squabbles among the states still trying to figure this democratic-republican experiment out. Each state or region celebrated these days of Thanksgiving according to local customs and traditions.

In 1827, a magazine writer and author of Mary Had A Little Lamb, Sarah Josepha Hale, campaigned for a national day of Thanksgiving upon which, the nation would come together as one to honor the growth and accomplishments of this grand experiment called the United States of America.  She would petition the federal government for another 36 years before her dream would be actualized.  In 1863, President Abraham Lincoln took Sarah Hale's petition to heart and declared that the final Thursday on November would be a national day of Thanksgiving upon which, he requested that all Americans ask God to “commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife” and to “heal the wounds of the nation.”   And for 112 years, Thanksgiving was celebrated as a day of reflection and prayer.  Over the course of the next 100 years, parades and feasts and family traditions would evolve, and the mood of the holiday would lighten.

In 1939, President Franklin Roosevelt asked Congress to move Thanksgiving up a week in order to boost holiday retails sales following the Great Depression (This concept of boosting sales was called Franksgiving...and not in a nice way!).  The idea was not supported and in 1941, FDR signed a bill establishing the fourth Thursday of November as Thanksgiving Day.  It was at this time that Thanksgiving morphed from a day of prayer to the more familiar notion of family, food, football and fun.  The Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade which started in 1924, is linked to the commercialization of the day, moving away from a day of prayer and giving thanks to spending, spending, spending!

Somewhere in the early twentieth century, the Pilgrims and Native Americans returned to being the icons of the day...lending an historic bent to the holiday, but somewhere in time, and perhaps at the end of the Macy's parade, Santa Claus became linked to Thanksgiving and instead of being celebrated for its own merits and sake, Thanksgiving has become the official start of the Christmas/Happy Holiday season.

And now, the official season of spending, and thanks to our "Blue Laws"outside of Massachusetts anyway, is beginning at 8pm on Thursday, Thanksgiving Night.  How sad.

On the news, I actually heard someone from Target promoting the earlier opening for Black Friday as a way for people to get out and exercise...to work off their turkey dinners....by hitting those sales earlier...wow at long last, an end to obesity in America...Woo Hoo!

I am having a hard time with this.  One of the reasons I love Thanksgiving so much is that is celebrates the blessings we as a nation, as Americans, as families have and can share.  It doesn't matter what religion you subscribe to... it doesn't require life long citizenship... Thanksgiving doesn't require a lifestyle...the day just asks us to stop, reflect, be prayerful or thoughtful and thankful for all that has been bestowed on us as a nation and her citizens and guests.  Thanksgiving is 24 hours...ONE day to be truly grateful and count our blessings and to pray for those who are struggling or have sacrificed to make our lives better.  24 hours...but if you let it, it will shrink to 20 hours and then what?    Halloween has a season as does Christmas...and poor Thanksgiving...the one day for everyone...is being mushed out...Take back Thanksgiving America!  Be grateful...not greedy...spend time with your family and friends instead of spending $$...

There is a Shaker hymn called "Simple Gifts" and it says,
"Tis the gift to be simple,'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight."
This is my inner soundtrack for the holiday...As for our home, we shall honor Thanksgiving all day...and I assure you, we keep it in our hearts always.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Is It Just Me or What?

While chugging away on the treadmill during my workout yesterday, I caught The View and Whoopee Goldberg's segment called "Is It Just Me?"  wherein audience members shared cultural, societal and familial observations and Whoopee observed quite humorously back at 'em.

Well, it got me thinking Is it just me...or what?  For example, I recently attended a Red Sox-Orioles' game in beautiful Camden Yards in Baltimore.  It was a lovely, crisp, autumn evening, with a full Harvest Moon shining down on the diamond.  We were absorbed by the game...would the Sox seek revenge against the Birds who spoiled our season last year, or would we be spoilers for the Evil Empire (aka NY Yankees)?  It was a good game, but the Sox lost and it did help Baltimore make the playoffs!

It being Parents' Weekend at our daughter's university, and this being a school sponsored event, we were surrounded by college students and their folks.  Spirits were high and happy.  But...as the game rolled on, and we die-hard Red Sox Fans cheered for our feckless team, I noticed a strange and somewhat dismaying phenomenon...the majority of young people were not watching the game...they were TEXTING.  Here we were in a beautiful stadium (which is celebrating 25 years...just a youngster compared to the 100 year old Grand Old Dame known as Fenway...) immersed in America's Favorite Pastime and these whippersnappers were texting. Much to my chagrin and annoyance, I discovered they were texting people in our own section of the park.  How, you may ask, did I come to this realization?  Well, the first give away were the two girls seated in front of us who after sending a text would stand up, turn around and look for a reaction from the person/s whom they just texted...next they would...I know this may or may not make sense, LOUDLY mouth something like..."DID YOU GET IT?"...or "WAIT...I'LL TEXT YOU BACK!"  or no joking..."LOL!".

This continued for a few innings and my cranky, old self was not amused so I leaned over to my daughter  and in a not too disguised stage whisper asked, "Is it just me or is it totally dense to text people and then stand up to see how they react?  Why wouldn't you just GO and talk to them instead?"  I am pleased  but not proud to report I saw blushing from the row in front of us and the text offenders departed to another section of the stands.

This is not the end of the electronic abuse during the game.  Seated again, a several rows down from us, another group of students were waving and blowing kisses and the like to friends in the University seating...and this didn't bother me at all...but things quickly changed when a young man sporting "our" university T-shirt, returning from the concession area, appeared to have come into to the wrong section...a couple of students started making fun of him...and filming him on their smart phones...complete with commentary..."Oh So and So is looking for his friends...wait, he has no friends...hahaha...".  If he were aware of the taunting, he made a great effort to not be affected...but it was just mean. I was disgusted and so was my daughter...she is involved with student leadership and university orientations and she made note of the offenders and was determined shed light on the unbecoming behavior. 

What irked me was no one in the immediate area called them out on it...Is it just me, or are we letting our young people get away with crap like this too often?   Really...I was seated about 5 rows up from these kids and heard and saw the whole thing...and it bothered me...where was the peer and PARENTAL pressure  around them to stop such behavior? 
The young man did find his friends and made his way back to his seat...but I was hurt for him.  Is it just me?

Well...on a lighter note...how about these observations....or is it just me?

When did the response to "Thank You" become "No, Thank YOU."?  I still say you are welcome!

When did hugging replace a handshake as an introductory gesture?  I am a huggy person...but only if I have known your name for more than a minute....geesh...cop a feel while you are at it!  When I extend my hand in welcome, it is not an invitation to grab hold and haul me in for a bone crushing bear hug!

Is it just me, or are today's helicopter parents...who hover over their kids every second of the day...just kidding themselves?  Just because your kid is on a leash or in your general proximity doesn't mean they are safe, well behaved or attended!  I was at a grocery store where I witnessed a couple of moms chatting in the produce aisle.  Each of their toddlers were strapped into a plastic car shaped carrier on the front of the shopping cart, facing each other and quietly sharing boogers.  I gently walked up and offered the moms tissues for the kids...and quickly put my produce back and exited the area. 

When did it become okay to blow off a social commitment with a friend because something "better" has come along?  Maybe it is just me, but if you make a "date" with someone you should follow through with that commitment.  Sadly for me, on more than one occasion, I have had friends cancel on me...like on the day of an event, dinner, outing and tell me it was because something better came along...with these types, I have learned not to make the arrangements any more; the ball is in their court.   Honestly, is it just me, or if your need to beg off, don't you just say, I am sorry, I can't make it?  To say something else has come up that we'd prefer to do is really rude. 

I know that the US is struggling with a weight problem...but is it just me or do more people need to look in the mirror before they go out?  I am surprised each and every day with what I call the Sausage Casing Incongruity...people...yes, both genders...stuff themselves into clothing that squeezes, bulges, cinches and spills their corpulence and well makes them look like...sausages...believe me...buy clothes that drape your physique...use fit, not a size number as your guide...we will all feel and look better if you do.

Is it just me, or do people need to smile more?  I just like to smile...smiling is my favorite...thank you Buddy the Elf.

I know sometimes I sound like an old fuss budget...but that is just me.

Have a nice weekend.

Back to Writing and Finding the Right Words

Call it vacation or a massive case of writer's block, but it has been a good long while since I put fingertips to keyboard...there was that old adage my mother taught me ..."if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.", bouncing about my conscience too.

I struggled with words this summer.  I found opening up Facebook to check in with "friends" to be painful at times.  The vehemence and invective with which people who claimed to be friends assaulted each other and strangers, was frustrating, infuriating and vexing...how many times did I type a pithy response to someone's snarky POV, only to delete it...not wanting to stoop to the snark.

Political ads and talking heads are vomiting nastiness and fear and hate and ignorance...both sides...bad words.

"Friends" took to posting polls and what do you think posits on their pages in an effort to have a civil discussion about current events and politics only to have tempers flare and civility lost.  There has been more than one posting of a cartoon saying "I desperately need a 'hide political posts' button on Facebook so I can still like my friends after the election year is over."  (someecards.com)  Everyone "likes" the cartoon image, but the mean speak continues.

Having espoused for most of my adult life that it is better to DO right than to Be right...(easier said than done; it does take practice)...I opted not to add any fuel to any of the fires.  I kept my words to myself...until today.

Today is the eleventh anniversary of one of the worst days of my life...a life changing day...a faith testing day...and certainly a day that tested my above stated philosophy.  Today is 9/11.

I woke up knowing exactly what anniversary this is...I felt sad.  I was also pretty disappointed in this election year in that what has made the USA stronger since that awful day in 2001, seems to be easily forgotten in favor of the worst politicking I have ever experienced.  That September 11th showed were are better than this.

I felt so lackluster on this beautiful morning that I almost crawled back into bed with the thought of canceling my workout.  But, thanks to my trusty terrier who needed to go out, I got up and got on with my day. 

As I drove over to Westford where my trainer is, I noticed every American flag displayed  along the way and at first unknowingly, I bowed my head slightly, prayerfully, as I passed...my eyes lingering on the stars and stripes longer than usual..I soon became aware of my actions and let them go, unfettered. I was proud to drive down Main Street, lined with American flags.  Tears welled up and a lump grew in my throat.

When I reached my destination in Westford, I got out of my car and I looked up at the hauntingly beautiful, blue sky...an exact copy of that other September 11th, years ago.  I paused and I remembered.

As I entered for my workout, it popped into my head that my trainer...a nice young guy of 22 years, had served in the military.  As luck would have it, I was the only person scheduled for the 9:30 am time slot so I had a one on one training session with Raphael.  I asked him (knowing full well what the answer was) if he served in the military...he said he had and is serving with the National Guard now.  I thanked him for his service and told him that today was not an easy day for me.  He nodded , looking down, and then proceeded to tell me about his time in Afghanistan.  We talked through my strength training session...well, mostly he talked and I listened and sweated...sometimes I cried through my presses and pulldowns.   He told me of a wonderful friend of his, an 8 year veteran of the military, who after only seven days in "the sandbox" was murdered by one of the Afghan soldiers whom he was sent there to train... teaching him to take on the security of his own country...to give that murderer and his countrymen the control they claim they want...but they want to kill the soldiers more. I listened to what he was saying as his eyes filled up and the words caught in his throat...I knew he was saying more... felt his frustration because he is so proud of his service and the honor of his country's cause...but where is the support?...not the lip service...not the words... where are those actions which should speak, no, shout louder than words?

I listened as this nice young man recalled back to when he was eleven years old, and having seared in his mind the image of his school mate...the young niece of John Ogonowski, one of the pilots of AA Flight 11, which hit the Towers that spectacular September day.  Raphael recalls seeing his friend, on a local newspaper's front page picture, frozen in flight, running down the road from her family farm...what she was running to or from, we cannot be sure but it captured for all time what so many of us experienced...conveying the fear and grief of a child and the fear and grief of a nation.  For him, that picture spoke all his words about September 11th.

We talked a very little bit about politics...mostly about our shared confusion and disappointment about the war in Afghanistan...he called it a forgotten war...and shadows of Viet Nam moved in my memory.  We talked about praying for every service man and woman's safe return...sooner rather than later.  We talked about honor and service and sacrifice and we talked about his future.  He is so excited to be working towards his Bachelor's degree. 

After my strength training session, I was headed over toward the cardio machines to finish up my workout...Raphael was greeting the next group of women he would help; he kind of sidestepped toward me and thanked me for the talk...it was a good talk.

It was a good talk...it helped me find my words. 

Isn't that Special?

I am a fan of the Sunday Morning Show on CBS.  I grab my cup of coffee, the Boston Globe Magazine and watch the program with Bill...and I often learn something new.  Sometimes we have lively discussions about the segments...and I love the closing piece about wildlife in America...ah.

A while back, Simon Baker, the actor who stars in The Mentalist, was being interviewed about living and working in the USA...he hails from Australia...and he shared why he loved being here.  He alluded that deep down, he loves the way Americans share enthusiasm and willingness to offer support, acknowledgment, kudos...whatever you want to call it...for example, here in the US if you score well on an exam, get a new job,create something worthwhile,many a  folk will say, "Good for you!", and mean it, sincerely.  In his homeland, down under, if the same said successes occurred, you are more likely to get, "Of course you did...now don't let it swell your head."

America is the land of hope...the land of opportunity...this ability to look on the bright side is, in my humble opinion, what makes us American.  When presented with a challenge, we rarely say it cannot be done...we band together and find a solution...we help friends and neighbors, strangers here and abroad.  It is what we do.  It makes us special. 

My husband and I are well travelled and we have noted that abroad,  American optimism is often looked upon as arrogance, self-serving and even weak.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard..."so sorry, it cannot be done..." while living in France or visiting many a European nation...I'd own a house on Lake Como.  And the funny thing is when we Americans, would say...yes it can...see, if we do this together, or you do that, I'll do this,  and so on and so on...we would get one of three looks...a head, shaking "no"and  a face emblazoned with a smug, all knowing smile, implying "silly Americans"...a blank stare, with raised eyebrows...implying "foolish Americans"...or the scowl below one arched eyebrow and hands waving back and forth emphatically implying, "Go away, you stupid Americans!"
The trick is to keep at it...work the problem...get the job done...and surprise!!, when the solution is found, the problem solved, the work done...we are all one big happy world wide family...and we say, "Good job!".

I love this Can Do attitude in America.  It is special!


So recently, there has been a lot of hub-bub about a Wellesley High School commencement speech.  The teacher, giving the speech, talked about a lot of things...and he said to the graduates..."You are not special."   Guess what...all heck broke loose!  Of course they are special...and of course he thinks they are...but I understood his message to be that in most cases, everyone is special to someone...that is a commonality...and if it is common, can it be all that "special'?

More importantly, I think he was saying, it doesn't matter if your parents or teachers think you are special...of course they should...but it is more important that you make your life matter...that you and you alone discover what is special about you, your life, the promise of your future...and no matter what you do, where you go, who you encounter...make the most of it for yourself...not to please anyone...not to impress anyone...not to "win"...but to live a life that you consider well lived...and if you please, impress or irk someone...it is a bonus.

Back to Simon Baker's observation...Americans are good at seeing the good stuff...we just need to be more careful not to expect a reward for doing what is good and right. It is our spirit, nature and desire to make the world a better place that makes America special.

To all the recent graduates...best wishes for a life filled with opportunity and challenges.  Do not be prideful; let your parents/families/friends be proud of you.  Keep your expectations real...be prepared to work hard...nothing "handed" to you will mean more than the first paycheck you earn.

Go out and be special...for yourself...in so doing, I am sure people will note not that you are special, but the qualities that make you good, kind, respectful, honest, loving, trustworthy...and much more...but it will be in the doing that we see your unique nature...not in the telling.

God Bless the Class of 2012 and God Bless the USA.

Treats and Prizes

Recently, there has been a LOT of talk about government involvement in our day to day choices.  The topic du jour on talk radio and a few TV shows stems from NYC Mayor Bloomberg's proposal to ban sugary  fountain beverages larger than 16 ounces....no more Big Gulps...Slurpees are demoted to just a slurp...have it your way at Burger King...nope...too much added sugar for the Big Apple.

Believe me, I get it.  I was at the movies Saturday night and saw way too many "Tweens" with ginormous Icees in one hand, poised to wash down the refillable bucket of salty, butter flavored oil soaked popcorn in the other.  There was many a brain freeze during that feature, for sure...Not the choice I ever made for my children nor myself, but these kids and or their parents chose to pay a premium for that junk.  Here's hoping that such purchases are a special treat and not a habit.  But, when the theater disapproves of you bringing in your own snacks, and fails to stock the advertised, healthy snack pack...yes there is such a thing...air popped popcorn chips, fruit and granola bars, fruit chews made from fruit juice and bottled water...what can one do?  Well, for my part, I don't eat at the movies.  I am there to watch a movie, not mindlessly snack...but  I digress.

For those of you who grew up back before microwaves became common, do you remember ever drinking "tonic"at supper?  Soda, tonic, pop...whatever you called it...it was a special treat reserved for birthday parties and holidays...milk and water...that is what growing bodies drank at meal time...with a glass of juice thrown in at breakfast for good measure.  Tea and iced tea were acceptable in my home, once I entered my teens and hot tea was what you drank when you didn't feel well or needed to warm up. 

When my children were small, they were accustomed to the notion of treats and prizes.  Treats were "goodies" that appeared in Christmas stockings and Easter baskets...a bag of chips, a bottle of Very Fine Grape juice for Carrie, Apple juice for Em...maybe some marshmallow Peeps...prizes were little gifts, usually books, puzzles or games, that rewarded good report cards, vaccination day at the doctor's office, or recognition of meeting a challenge...but these were rare and special!  To this day, I will send a care package off to Em at college with love and loads of practical things, but there is also one treat and one prize...something special.

Back to the olden days...remember when dessert was also reserved for special times...going out to eat, birthdays or celebrations?...We only got doughnuts on Easter morning, or when my grandparents came for a visit...cake was for birthdays...ice cream was a weekend treat from time to time, but during the week, you ate your supper and if you were still hungry, you could have some fruit. There was no such thing as "if you eat your peas, you can have dessert"...you just ate your peas.

Snacks were not commonplace either.  One ate  three squares a day and had a little something to tide you over after school...cookies and milk, apples and peanut butter, carrot and celery sticks, or maybe half a sandwich...especially when school lunch was served at 10:30 or 11:am, and dinner was at 6pm!  But we didn't have junk food...it was too expensive and it really served no nutritional purpose...then something happened in the late 60's and early 70's...the Radar-range...or as we now now it, the microwave...the invention that would modernize the kitchen, free time for the working mother...and introduce a whole generation to processed foods.

Want a snack?  Toss in a bag of Orville's popping corn and voila, hot buttery popcorn...loaded with salt, trans fats and Lord knows what else in the line of preservatives, additives and chemicals. HOw many times did you eat a whole bag of microwave popcorn by yourself, when the bag was meant to serve four or five people?  We now know that most microwave popcorn, is pretty bad for you...unless you make up your own in a brown paper bag...(you can find the recipe at my other blog, The Cook's Concern).  Before we knew it, kids were eating pizza rolls, bagel bites, mac 'n' cheese, leftovers and so on for a snack...and sitting in front of the TV...being fed images of sugar cereals, soda, fruit flavored candy...super sized this...happy meal that....and gladly, Americans surrendered to the convenience...the novelty...the salt, fat and sugar that triggers the feel good centers in the brain, and we became addicts to junk.

Instead of farmers' markets, supermarkets...mega-markets...warehouse stores...became our food sources...fresh produce and dairy were relegated to the opposite sides of stores, with a vast mine field of overly processed food haunting and taunting children with cartoon characters and bright colors in between...It is no secret we "eat" first with our eyes...so these marketing techniques were designed to draw in the Sesame Street generation as our economy's earliest consumers...and TV had told working parents that choosy moms choose XYZ, and Kraft Mac and Cheese is the cheesiest...ya...so? 

Do you think people would have been so enamored with "Happy Meals" and foot long subs, if we called them FAT food instead of fast food? 

Anyway, my point I guess, is, we are having this national argument about too much government in our lives...legislating us from the bedroom to the kitchen...in our cars and yards...but where is the discussion about the usurpation of our lives by a food industry whose primary interest is to create food addicts...and not feed the nation, truly feed...offer sustenance, nutrition...from one of the world's greatest resources of food? Did you know that McDonald's sells different types of burgers around the world?  I mean, in Europe, they sell a smaller, higher quality beef patty, lower in fat and salt, and feed Americans a burger that is 20% larger, poorer quality beef and very high in sodium?  Why?...because we have been programmed to accept low quality in exchange for cheap and fast.  We have been trained to equate fat, salt and sweet with flavor...but in reality, it ruins our taste buds and we don't know what good tastes like.   We need to get our priorities straight.  We need to accept responsibility for our choices...and if business or our government seeks to limit our choices...we need to do something about that too. 

It is appalling to me that one out of four children in the US will go hungry again tonight.  It is astounding that nearly 30 years after the Reagan administration declared ketchup a vegetable, that the government still maintains that premise. Blink and the food pyrmamid becomes inverted, blink again and we have a pie chart (ironic in a stupid kinda way) and now we have a plate with the USDA recommendations for balanced nutrition...but too many, meaningless changes have bred apathy toward the guidelines.

It infuriates me that there are food deserts in our country and that companies like Whole Foods, Wegmans', Trader Joe's...all pretty good retail, food outlets, refuse to establish markets in depressed areas, because they know the demographic can't afford their products and therefore weaken their bottom line.. heaven forbid, you shift the profits to shape a smarter and healthier consumer! It peeves me that local government allows that mentality to succeed...just imagine living in Washington D.C., southwest neighborhood  and having to do your grocery shopping at a gas station because you cannot afford to go to the Giant or Target in the Northwest section of town Adams Morgan or Georgetown, where these markets are located...I am not making this up...in our nation's capitol...this exists...there are families who will have beef jerky for their protein source tonight.

I appreciate Mayor Bloomberg's concern, but I think his solution is silly.  Limiting the size of sugar laden beverages to 16 ounces still feeds the sugar habit...who or what will stop someone from buying three or four cups of the 16 ounce size?  We need to teach people about health and nutrition...and if that means taxing the 42 ounce Big Gulp to pay for the educational programs...fine.  Oh, and how about taxing the profits of the companies producing junk food, to help offset the costs of childhood obesity, diabetes, tooth decay and depression...diseases influenced by these types of foods.  Let's serve our nation's children REAL food in school...support farm to table programs.  Bring back "home economics" and health classes...build partnerships between markets with smart business models and schools...build a better, wiser, healthier consumer...or if that is too much trouble then leave people alone to make thier own choices, good or bad.

And finally, my fellow Americans...take responsibility for your family's health and nutrition.  Frito-Lay is not twisting your arm to by yet another bag of Doritos.   May I suggest the following?...Learn to feed your family....grow a garden...or support a community garden.  Support stores and restaurants that use local and seasonal products.  Understand portion control.  Visit a farm and taste what food should taste like...reclaim your kitchen...toss the microwave...plan a menu, make a shopping list...learn to live and not just subsist...return to the notion that somethings are treats and prizes,  saved for special occasions.

There is a lesson I learned from my Religious Education, Jesus taught us that if you give a man a fish, he eats for a day...if you teach him to fish, he eats for a lifetime (the Alice Anne Corollary... and then he can help feed those who are still learning...)  Makes sense to me.